The Most Beautiful Girl In The World's Journal

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Sunday, July 22, 2001

9:36PM - Back in action

Okay, I'm not so pissed anymore. I'm just gonna try to remember what I said. Okay. About The Boy -- I went into Publix (3 and a 1/2 hours late, mind you) and when I was done filling out all of my paperwork, I called my dad to tell him to come get me. Sarah answered the phone and told me that The Boy's mom had called for me and wanted to know if I'd seen him in the past 24 hours. So of course, I started freaking out, imagining all of these terrible things, like him dead in the river and me at his funeral. It was horrible. And like, it was so weird because I had had these incredible urges to call him the night before, and I hadn't. So I was like, envisioning myself @ his funeral, and his sister was there and was angry with me because it was my fault he was gone. So anyway, back to reality! I went by his house after my parents picked me up and guess what! He was outside, getting ready to go back to work! It turns out that he just hadn't come home the previous night, and his mom was freaking out. But now he's grounded (G*DDAMMIT!) and we can't see each other. I'm so pissed off at him for it, but I haven't let him know it yet. I mean, whatever. If he misses me, that's cool. If he doesn't, then f**k it. I mean, we aren't exclusive anyway, and until we are, I'm not gonna press the issue. Especially since I've had these other two guys in the back of my mind. I mean, at first it was really hard to concentrate on one guy, because of my "player" past (lol, Sarah Jay), but I did it. I was really like, I guess I can say committed, even though that's not how The Boy & I are. But anyway, these other two guys... we'll call them G & R... Well, I used to like, totally lust after one of them because he's this awesome guy. We flirted a lot, but he had a gf @ another school. Then he graduated this year, and I'm still sort of like, mourning the loss. I'm going to miss not seeing him around AHS next year. But I keep thinking that he & his gf broke up. It's sort of like this instinctual (is that a word?) feeling. It's strange. I have his number in my room somewhere (it's gotta be buried under a million other things), but I'm too scared to call it. About G -- There are a lot of complications with him. He has a baby and a baby's momma. Lol. They aren't together anymore, so he's single. And I know for a fact that he's interested in me, because this girl he worked with kept telling me how he wanted her to give me his number and after he passed it on, he bothered her all the time about it. (I'm a victim of run-on sentence disorder, sorry!) She said he would always be like, "Did you give Rachel my number yet? Tell that girl to call me!" And I have it, but I'm being a total guy about the whole situation. I know where it is, and I keep thinking about calling him, but then I think about The Boy. I don't want to get involved with another guy, but at the same time, I don't want to waste my time with S if it's not gonna go anywhere. I have no idea what to do right now. It?s like? ugh. Being a teenager is so ridiculously easy, but we make it harder than it should be. I wish the dating scheme was more like, ?Yes I like you, let?s go out.? Instead of ?Yeah, you?re cool and you?re pretty hot. We can hang out or mess around or something if you wanna.? I hate this. Dammit. I love this journal thing. I feel so much better after I write down all of my problems. OMG? I went to hotornot.com and I put up my picture, right? And I look at it like, a week later and come to find out that according to 848 people, I am hideous. Apparently, I?m only a 5.1 on a scale of 1 to 10 (which several friends have denied), which is really upsetting. I usually say I don?t care what people think about me, and I guess I?m lying to myself. I mean, I saw that number and almost went ballistic. My friend Wes (hey sweetness!) assured me that the 5.1 is bullshit, and even though I know I?m not unattractive, it just helped so much to hear it from someone else. I usually make fun of my sister whenever she talks about her ?online friends?, because I couldn?t understand how someone could truly connect with someone thousands of miles away through a computer. And even though I hardly get to talk to Wes anymore, I really like talking to him. I wish he lived closer, because he is one of the most open-minded, intelligent, funny, and of course hottest guys I know. It sucks that he has to live in Cali and I?m all the way over here. Well, I guess that?s it for now. I have lots of other things to bitch about, but my hands are tired of typing. Mo? lata?.

Current mood: content

Current music: "Satellite" by the Dave Matthews Band

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7:39PM - G*d Dammit

I am so pissed right now. I was about halfway through with this HUGE entry, and the computer crashed. Damn my Live Journal to hell. I'll be back later when I'm in the mood to re-write EVERYTHING!

Current mood: pissed off

Current music: None, because WinAmp is being an assh*le

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